Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Federal Bureau of Idiocy? Top 5 Stupid FBI Moves

by Kathy Foust  | April 18, 2012

With the ever increasing powers of Homeland Security, it would seem that there is great concern over the security of our country. Yet 21 Secret Service agents and military personnel are purchasing the services of allegedly underage prostitutes in Columbia prior to the Summit of Americas. The key concern here as far as security is that these personnel may have already had access to the president’s schedule when the prostitutes arrived at the hotel.
FBI agent entering, a photo by qwrrty on Flickr. 
Teenage girls…sex…top secret information. Worried yet?

Of all the government agencies in the United States, the FBI is one of the most feared. We imagine them to be an all-knowing elite force that comes for us in the night based on something as simple as an overheard whisper.

The truth is far more frightening. If current trends are anything to go by, the FBI may be more likely to chainsaw through your front door while aiming for your neighbor’s, then later assist in getting you convicted based solely on the color of your skin and hair. There is far more to be afraid of than we ever imagined. Take a look at some of the FBI’s most monumentally ignorant moves. And remember, these are just ones we know about!

1. Recruitment Fail
Quantico by USUHSPAO
Quantico, a photo by USUHSPAO on Flickr.
The FBI and the CIA both recruit for agents using known terrorist supporting magazines such as the Washington Report on Middle East Affairs and the Arab American News., one of which was praising a criminal from the most wanted list in the same issue as a recruitment ad was run. I can’t even imagine the fun the editorial staff had with that one.

2. Double Dealing Agent
cocaine-20 by cocaine addiction
cocaine-20, a photo by cocaine addiction on Flickr.
One FBI agent was dismissed from duty after attempting to sell cocaine…to an undercover FBI agent. Kind of makes you wonder what’s in the water cooler in that break room.

3. Chainsaw Mishap 

FBI Man has found his undead antagonist by Dr. Dompelpomp
FBI Man has found his undead antagonist (not a real FBI agent), a photo by Dr. Dompelpomp on Flickr.

During “Operation Red Wolf," a 2 year undercover operation, FBI agents put the fear of God into a mother and toddler when they chainsawed their way through Judy Sanchez’s door, having apparently mistaken her door for the one of the real culprit, her neighbor. Judy Sanchez and her toddler now sleep in fear, which is horrific for them. But can you imagine how entertaining it would have been had the neighbor the FBI was actually seeking called the police to complain about the innocent neighbor making too much noise with a chainsaw in the middle of the night? Way to be covert FBI!

4. Dirty Talk on Taxpayers' Dime
lips_phone by bloodymallory
lips_phone, a photo by bloodymallory on Flickr.
 Though we sometimes think of the FBI like we would the sexy stars that play lead roles in Mission Impossible movies, apparently crime fighting isn’t really drawing in the babes. Otherwise, the FBI agent who lost his job probably wouldn’t have been calling sex hotlines from FBI phones while on duty. It’s nice to see our tax dollars at work, ya know?

5. DNA Subterfuge
DNA isolation 2 by aspidoscelis
DNA isolation 2, a photo by aspidoscelis on Flickr.
One FBI agent convinced a jury that 15 matches were conclusive enough for a conviction. In reality, there were only 3 matches. Apparently the convicted party had black hair, was human, and African American. Aren’t you glad they really narrow it down for those long term sentences?

It’s not that there aren’t some good agents. There really are some that are dedicated to serving their country and the citizens whose taxes pay their salaries (and 1-900 number fees apparently). But when you consider that exhaustive research was done on only 13 agents and resulted in over 250 cases that were less than solid, you have to really wonder what is going on, especially when at least one of those cases led to a wrongful conviction that ended in a carried out death sentence.
Kathy Foust is a professional freelance writer with a degree in elementary education and who is actively pursuing an elementary education/special education BA. 
 Do you have any FBI foul-ups to add to the list?


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